Life has been a little crazy...

I became a mom to a premature baby on April 24th, 2018 who was 4.5 weeks early, even before my baby shower! Our little one is healthy and we are so very blessed.

Being a mom is unreal. You are always busy, there is always something to do, but I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. My tiny human is absolutely beautiful and makes my heart so very full. I've wanted to be a mom all of my life.

During my pregnancy I had complications with gestational diabetes and high blood pressure, which was the reason our little guy came early. I was induced, labored for 4 days, but ultimately had a c-section because I most likely would have been another 18-24 hours in labor until he came. I was nervous that when the time came, I would be unable to push as I was already so exhausted and without much sleep.

Our son was born premature, spent 7 days in the NICU, and I was unable to see him until 36 hours after birth, because of my own medical complications. Being away from your child when they are born is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced.

The second I was able to walk into that NICU and walk towards the area where my son was being incubated -- I heard a baby crying.

My intuition instantly knew it was my son without seeing/knowing who was crying. Once I got to where my son was being kept, he was the baby that was crying.

An immediate rush came over me as I looked down at my son, and I felt like my heart was going to burst from being so full. As someone close to me put it, "You looked like you were happier than a pig in shit," accurately describes that moment. I cried happy tears and got to hold my son for the first time. It is a moment I will never forget.

The other moment I will never forget is coming home without my son as he was still in the NICU. Life can be bittersweet. It is one of the hardest things to leave your newborn baby while you go home. You feel so lost.

Thankfully it was only for a few days, where as I have talked to other NICU momma warriors and their children have been admitted for weeks or even months. If you ever meet another NICU momma, give her a hug for me. When dealing with tough situations those women are truly pillars of strength.

During all of this, the most important lesson that I learned was that life doesn't always go to "plan" and sometimes you  just have to go with it and stop trying to control it. The hardest part is tossing aside your pride, and embracing the circumstances and your situation.